In the picture above–and in the one in yesterday’s post–you can see some of my notes on the sample Keller analysis. Today’s blog post presents more detailed notes on the essay’s content and form.
Content
- The title isn’t actually a title; it’s a label that identifies the assignment as an analysis. The title should offer a window into the analysis with a reference to an aspect of Helen Keller’s chapter or an idea or image in it.
- Rather than beginning with a summary, the writer states that the chapter’s organization caught her eye. However, organization isn’t eye catching. What’s eye catching is perceived at a glance. What did catch the writer’s eye, and is that the real focus of the analysis?
- The first paragraph does not present the writer’s thesis or main claim.
- In the second and third paragraphs, the writer focuses on the idea of the chapter’s descriptiveness but doesn’t provide examples of its descriptiveness.
- The fourth paragraph quotes words that Miss Sullivan spells for Heller, but those particular details don’t support the writer’s claim about “mood and tone.” The writer does mention that Keller intentionally breaks her doll, but that detail is an obvious example of Keller’s anger and frustration. Mentioning that is not an act of analysis but rather an act of description.
- With the fifth paragraph, the writer turns to a key moment in the narrative, but the single word that the writer quotes does not directly support her point about the young Keller’s realization.
- In the sixth paragraph, the writer returns to the idea of organization and quotes two lines, but the writer does not address how those lines demonstrate the strength of the conclusion’s organization. Examining the choice and placement of the word “awakened” (Keller, par. 7) is one way that the writer might have forged a connection between the organization of Keller’s essay and her word choices.
- The final two paragraphs offer a general assessment of the chapter but the writer’s observations are primarily statements of the obvious. Applying Rosenwasser and Stephen’s “Seems to Be About X” strategy (104) is one strategy that may have moved the essay beyond description and into analysis.
Form
- Neither the running header nor the first-page information (in the upper left) is Times New Roman.
- The lines of the paragraphs are a space and half apart, rather than double spaced. Double spacing occurs only between the paragraphs.
- The writer incorrectly cites the quotation in the first paragraph. She identifies it as a line from the second paragraph but it’s actually a line from the third. Later in the essay she twice confuses the sixth and seventh paragraphs.
- The second paragraph includes an instance of passive voice. The line “hope is introduced when Heller meets her new teacher” should be rewritten in active voice as “Keller introduces hope when she meets her new teacher.”
- Three times in the essay, the writer refers to Keller’s teacher as “Ms. Sullivan” rather than “Miss Sullivan.” That inaccuracy and the misidentification of paragraphs indicate that writer has not carefully examined her subject, which is the primary aim of analysis.
- The writer repeatedly uses the word “this” in place of “that” or “the.” In formal prose, writers should use “this” only to refer to something at hand.
- The writer begins the final paragraph with the phrase “in conclusion,” which can be a useful signal in an oral presentation. However, readers can see when they have reached the final paragraph of a text. Rather than writing the empty phrase “in conclusion,” or some variation on it, the writer offer an insight about the chapter or an additional quotation from it. Other strategies for developing your conclusion include revisiting the thesis without stating it verbatim and pointing to the broader implications of the analysis. Those are more subtle ways to provide closure.
Work Cited
Rosenwasser, David and Jill Stephen. “Seems to Be About X, But Could Also Be (Or is ‘Really’) About Y.” Writing Analytically, 9th edition. Wadsworth/Cengage, 2024. pp. 104-7.
Jane Lucas 